Threshold
by Skateaway
Summary: "She's killing me, Mal. I don't think I can take it anymore." Every man has a breaking point. Rayne. Complete.


Title: Threshold

Disclaimer: I wish

**Updated A/N:** Thank you to everyone who reviewed! You are all seriously amazing. I was originally planning on having a follow-up chapter, but I haven't been able to write anything I'm happy with. Rereading this I think it is best as a stand alone. Thanks again everyone!

* * *

"She's killing me, Mal. I don't think I can take it anymore." Jayne ran his hand roughly over face before rubbing it through his short hair. He sat in the co-pilot's chair in the cockpit and after he said his piece he rested his elbows on his knees and sank his face into his hands.

"I'll talk to her. She'll see reason," Mal sighed from the pilot's chair. A year ago, hell even a couple of months ago, if Jayne had come to him and said these things the captain would have been mighty inclined to shoot first and ask questions later. But he had noticed the changes that had come over his crew and he sympathized with the merc's plight. And here he had thought Inara was bad.

Jayne exhaled a terse laugh utterly devoid of humor. "_Ta ma de_, it'll be the first time then." Slowly he got to his feet and stood awkwardly by the entrance to the cockpit. "But anything you can do, well, I'd appreciate it is all." With that he climbed down the stairs leading to the crew quarters, his walk missing its usual bravado and swagger. Come to think of it, Mal couldn't recall the last time he'd seen it except when they were out on jobs.

Turning his attention back to pilot his vessel Mal couldn't help but groan. River always had been troublesome.

* * *

Slamming the hatch to his bunk shut Jayne immediately engaged the lock. Wouldn't stop her though if she had a mind to come on down. First time she had he'd almost jumped clean out of his skin and when his heart rate had returned to normal he'd felt like he'd been handed the whole gorram 'verse. The crazy girl, _his_ crazy girl, finally in his bunk.

He was sure it only meant one thing; at long last the girl had enough of being chased was content to actually be caught. Bold as brass she had sauntered up to his girls and asked to borrow his little revolver, Helen. When he said yes she'd kissed him full on the mouth. His girl with his gun tucked into the waistband of her trousers taking what she wanted; he'd almost popped right out of his zipper right then and there. But before he could lay a hand on her, caress her graceful neck, those perfect breasts, legs that went on for _miles_, she slipped up the ladder. Slipped away, just like she always did. As the bunk locked behind her she'd called down to him that she would take good care of his girl. He'd be an idiot to think she'd meant anything besides Helen.

Damn tease.

He collapsed onto his bunk and toed his boots off. He'd lifted earlier so he knew he was a little ripe, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Pulling the thin blanket off of the wall he covered himself as best he could and tried to sleep. They were landing on Persephone for a job tomorrow morning and he should try to get some rest. One way or another he was going to have to be ready for what tomorrow brought.

* * *

Mal set the autopilot and proximity alarm before locking up the cockpit. It was a little early to leave the helm, but he had a notion to catch a certain reader before she went to bed. He found her in the galley, drawing in her sketchpad at the wooden kitchen table. He pulled out the chair across from her and sat heavily waiting for her to look up.

After a minute or two she did. "Captain, is everything satisfactory? You've engaged the autopilot 43 minutes early."

He smiled a little. Girl had a clock in her too, besides a compass, a dictionary, and the comprehensive guide of How to Kick Anything's Ass Without Really Trying. "I reckon that's for you to tell me, little albatross."

She closed her sketchpad and gave him her full attention, a little on her guard now. "What makes you say that?"

"Just had a real interesting chat with my mercenary. Your name might've come up a time or two."

Rolling her eyes, her voice took on a slightly scolding tone. "Mal, my interactions with Jayne are between Jayne and me. With all due respect, of course." Mal hated seeing his authority usurped so River tried to tread carefully.

"Becomes my business when it interferes with the running of my ship and my merc comes to me on it. Now, I won't pretend to know all that's been going on between you two, but I know enough to see that only one of you is having any fun."

"You needn't be concerned with Jayne's welfare. He can handle himself." It was beyond frustrating that the Captain felt he had to get involved in everyone's personal lives. River wondered briefly if this was how normal girls always felt with their authority figures too.

"Look, River, I know you're the genius here and you're smarter than all the rest of us yokels put together, even including the doc. What you don't seem to get is that Jayne is at the end of his rope, told me himself that he was gettin' off this ship if this keeps up." Mal was practically shouting now and felt a twinge of guilt in his chest over it, but the girl was so stubborn she could even try Kaylee's patience sometimes.

"He will not leave! I am not a child, Mal, I know what I'm doing!" Unconsciously her voice had risen to match his volume. Catching herself, she visibly tried to corral her emotions. "Whether or not Jayne and I engage in flirtations is our affair and our affair only." With a huff she stormed out of the galley and to her own bunk in the crew quarters.

Mal could hear the hatch slam shut all the way through the ship to where he sat. "That went well," he spoke wearily to the empty room.

* * *

River stewed in the darkness of her bunk. She loved and respected Mal, but sometimes the man needed to have his head forcibly removed from his _pigu_. The ship still saw her as a little girl. Apparently killing thirty-seven Reavers and saving them all from certain death wasn't enough for some people to establish majority, much less turning eighteen six months ago. They all wanted her to stop spending time with Jayne so she would return to the image they had created for her in their compartmentalized brains.

Jayne had been the only one to ever see her as an adult. It had started after Miranda. She had felt his eyes on her for several weeks, but as she had resolutely decided to stop reading crew she had been unable to pinpoint his intentions. Then, one day when they had been unloading cargo, he had finally acted. The planet had been incredibly hot and she had been sweating so much she was sure she looked as utterly disgusting as she felt. Wiping perspiration from her face she had turned to find him right beside her, looming over her with barely a hairsbreadth between them. Before she could say a word he had leaned down, gathered her in his arms, and kissed her.

She had been so shocked her knees had almost given out, but his strong hands kept her steady and grounded. She had always admired Jayne in the technical sense; he was truly the Rim planet's answer to Adonis. So confident, so masculine, so far above the touch of a _feng le _little girl. Worrying he would come to his senses at any moment she had kissed him back with everything she had, letting enthusiasm make up for skill. He had pushed her up against the bulkhead of the cargo bay so he could lift her up, showering her neck and face with kisses as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

Somehow through the haze she had managed to recognize that someone was coming – Simon. She hadn't known what to think of the event yet herself; there was absolutely no way she would be able to explain it to Simon. With as much tact as she could she extracted herself from his embrace to stand back with both feet firmly on the floor.

"We need to get back to work," she had said with a shy smile. When they were done she had retreated quickly to her bunk to process what had happened.

She realized later that the event had been a catalyst. When Jayne had seen her as a woman she had finally been able to see herself as a woman. She was not a broken girl, not a warped doll. She was a woman just like Kaylee, Inara, and Zoe and no one could take that away from her. Jayne had been relentless in his pursuits after the initial kiss and she had often repaid his flirtations in kind. But when they were planetside, relaxing in a bar to celebrate a job well done or shopping in the markets, she had tested the reactions of other men she met. To her amazement and endless delight they saw her as a woman too. Jayne's ardor was not an anomaly; she tested the hypothesis thoroughly and was reward with statistical significance in every town they visited.

It frustrated Jayne; she could tell. But she could not stop; she had lost too many years as a crazed would be killer to give this up. She was finally back on the normal progression of the path to adulthood, and it did not make her selfish to relish in it.

He had told her more than once that they had to put a stop to their liaisons, but she knew that he didn't mean it. She never read his thoughts; his emotions were another matter. They rolled off of him in colored waves whenever she was nearby. Frustration and envy were there, true, but they were always overwhelmed by lust and affection.

Jayne would just need to be patient. Perhaps there was some sense in what the captain had said. She would explain everything to him tomorrow and then he would understand and comprehend.

* * *

One bunk over Jayne tossed and turned for what must've been the thousandth time that night. Ain't no way he was getting a lick a sleep. All he could do was agonize over a certain _ni zi_; damn thing was even haunting his dreams now. Any time he'd slip away to sleep he'd see her face. Still, it made sense since it was what his traitorous brain was doing while he was awake.

His emotions swung every couple of minutes between hating her something fierce and wanting to fall to his knees at her feet and beg her to love him. Both alternates made him angry that anyone could have this much control over him, but there wasn't nothing he could do about it. He had thoughts on reaching for her neck, except he wasn't sure if he was aiming to strangle her or if he wanted to run his fingers down her soft shoulders. Wasn't sure if he wanted to throw her off of the ship or throw her down on the floor and ravage her. He liked to imagine what she would look like, her head thrown back and flushed with passion, her beautiful body writhing underneath him as he pounded into her. Anytime he let himself dwell on it too closely, though, the last sack of shit she had been necking would pop into his brain and ruin all of his John Thomas' fun.

It had all seemed so clear that first time he'd kissed her in the cargo bay. After Miranda she'd gotten most of her senses back and Jayne had finally been able to throw aside his prejudice to see her for what she was. Smart was a given, but she was funny too, and real sweet when she was so inclined. Not to mention just about the sexiest thing on two legs, especially when she'd started wearing clothes that had actually fit her.

He had known that she was too good for the likes of him. Even with a few screws loose and a homicidal streak a mile long she was still Core bred. A real lady. He'd told himself that he'd have to be content with just looking. And for a while it had been enough. She had a real graceful way about her that he could never get enough of and he was used to Serenity's 'look, don't touch' policy that somehow applied only to him.

But when they had been shifting that cargo in the bay all of a sudden he wasn't able to control himself no more. It'd been hotter than hellfire and her skin was glistening with sweat. Her clothes stuck to her skin showing off her curves and her face was all flushed like she'd just been sexed. The sweat was running down her face; she had licked it from her lips as she wiped her brow and he had known he'd never seen a sight so shiny in the whole damn 'verse. He'd kissed her without preamble and without thought.

She had been gorram enthusiastic too, until she'd slipped out from his arms saying they had to get back to the job. It was probably for the best since doc had come sniffing around not a minute later.

After that first kiss he had been so certain that they understood each other. He'd gone to sleep with a smile on his face, promising himself he'd treat her right, that he would take it as slow as she wanted. Long as she was willing to stand by his side, that was all he needed.

So imagine his surprise when not only did she stay holed up in her bunk until the next job, after said job had incredibly gone off without a hitch she had been flirting with some _lese _in that dank bar instead of sitting with him. He'd thought at first she just needed some time or was jealous he hadn't been paying her enough attention. When they both had kitchen duty the next night he had cornered her in the pantry to remind her that he was waiting for her. She'd stroked his broad chest through his t-shirt and let his hands wander down her backside before finally pulling away. And that's the way it was from then on. Kisses in the infirmary out in the black meant kisses with some bastard when they hit a skyplex. Groping in the cockpit under the stars meant she was hanging off some shithead's arm as he bought her an ice planet.

Jayne was no genius like the crazy girl, but even he could connect the dots. She was just having fun. She liked having a body when they were vesselside to kiss and cuddle with, but the rules didn't apply when they hit dirt. Some part of him almost didn't blame her; he'd been doing it himself for years and years. But it wasn't enough for him. Without even realizing it he'd fallen for her and every time he saw her with another man it was like another stab in the chest. Was surprised his blood was even still pumping at this point; his heart must be shredded to pieces.

He'd stopped pursuing her at that point and he knew it had confused her some. She was never one to be patient and after a couple of days she had been the one to kiss him as he was lifting. Out of nowhere she had snuck up on him to straddle his chest as he lay back on the bench. Her tiny hands had come to stroke his biceps as they still held the bar and she had leaned down to nibble on his ear. Had taken every single ounce of control to stop her, to lift her off of him. She'd stood there all pouty when he'd told her they couldn't do this no more. Seeing that expression on her face his entire body had shook with want of her and he had hated himself for that.

Apparently she hadn't liked hearing that too well 'cause the girl just would not quit. Always finding a way to touch him, to show off for him. It became more and more obvious the harder she tried until the rest of the crew couldn't help but notice. She would lean in and whisper in his ear when she could've just spoken plain to his face, or her hands would linger on his arms or his back when they had no call to be there. Even the cargo bay wasn't safe; she was always practicing her dancing and stretching so he couldn't help but see. Having her so close would usually addle his brain for a couple of minutes, but when he came to he would immediately leave the room making pains not to touch her.

He couldn't take it no more. One more exchange like that and he was sure he was going to lose his gorram mind. Wouldn't that be all sorts of ironical, him being the moonbrain on the ship. Out of desperation he had turned to Mal hoping the cap'n could come up with a plan. Still, Jayne knew better than anyone that Mal's plans usually didn't turn out so good.

* * *

River awoke the next morning with a newfound sense of direction. She would talk with Jayne this evening after their job and he would understand. He wasn't the most empathetic of men, but if he cared for her, and she knew that he did, he would wait. Her only worry was if he would issue her an ultimatum. If he wanted her to choose him and him alone, that very instant; well, she hoped it would not come to that.

She knew that Simon would be in the infirmary, prepping it as he did before every job. Smoothers, painkillers, and antibiotics were all laid out on the counter like a neat row of soldiers. She kissed him good morning; he always worried when she going out on a job so she took pains to be particularly loving on those days.

"_Zao an, meimei,_" he said smiling at her. "Did you sleep well?"

Nodding, she knew the bags under her eyes were a blatant tell. "Just fine."

"I don't want to be stitching any bullet holes this evening, understand?"

"Of course, Simon. I can't promise the same for stab wounds, unfortunately." She grinned at him; poor _gege_ would always be anxious regardless of what she said.

She turned to head to breakfast when his voice stopped her. "I'm glad you're here. I wanted to talk to you before you left."

Turning around she choose her words carefully. "What was it that you wanted to talk to me about?"

"I'm going to be frank; I'm concerned about you and Jayne." He put the syringe in his hands down to look her square in the eyes.

Was everyone going to interrogate her now? "Yes, I know. Jayne is an uncouth man ape and I need to be make sure that he doesn't get the wrong impression from me," she muttered sarcastically. Simon had never held back when describing the merc and his feelings were well known.

"Actually, I wasn't going to say that at all. There was a time when that was a perfectly apt description, to be sure. But a lot has changed since then. While I can't say I'm pleased to see you two together, when I'm honest with myself I realize that I don't like seeing you with anyone."

River was stunned. When had she missed this development?

He continued on. "I wanted to warn you because you are playing a very dangerous game. Whatever your feelings for him, it's clear to everyone that he feels seriously for you. I am protective of you to a fault and even I don't doubt his sincerity. This may seem entertaining for you, but think of Jayne's position. He is a grown man, almost forty. This 'will they, won't they' act is not exciting for him. Unless you are willing to watch him leave the ship knowing that it was your fault I suggest you reevaluate your position."

Taken aback, she was speechless for another moment. Simon had always taken her side; he had always defended her even when he had known she was wrong. She had never even imagined that he would identify with Jayne. Here he was treating her like an adult and she still felt like a spoiled little child that had been chastised for the first time. It made her embarrassed, which in turn made her angry. "Will everyone just leave me alone! I am one of the smartest people in the entire 'verse, I know what I am doing. Nothing is wrong and Jayne is not going to leave. The matter is closed."

Mirroring last night's behavior she stalked out the infirmary. Scolded twice within 24 hours? This was unprecedented.

Simon shook his head as he turned back to his work. His sister had always been headstrong and her reaction didn't surprise him. He only hoped that some point of his speech had gotten through to her.

* * *

By the time they were ready to leave for the job River had managed to compose herself. Begrudgingly she was starting to accept that both Simon and Mal had some merit in their reasoning. Once they had transported the goods for Badger she would take Jayne aside and tell him everything.

She was early when she went to join the others in the cargo bay and Jayne was the only one there. He was busy loading up the mule and was making a very clear and pointed effort not to look in her direction. He looked petulant and grumpy which she always found especially endearing. Impulsively she reached up on her tiptoes and kissed him gently on the corner of the mouth. When he turned around to stare at her, dazed, she whispered, "for luck," before climbing in to her place in the mule.

Mal and Zoe came stomping into the hold in the next second, so Jayne didn't get a chance to speak his mind to her.

_Ta ma de_.

That was it, he was done. He sat in the back of the mule and did his part of the job, silent as a stone. Both Mal and Zoe kept shooting him worried looks, but he didn't think on it none. His mind was made up. When the job was over and they had gotten their pay the rest of the crew had gone to their usual bar to enjoy their spoils. He had come straight back to the ship.

Gathering his things didn't take long. He didn't have much stuff and with a little maneuvering most of his guns could be strapped to his person anyway.

_Ni ta ma de. Tianxia suoyou de ren. Dou gaisi._

Locking up the ship behind him, Jayne walked off into the night. Dammit all if there was only so much a man could take.


End file.
